Fall
by lunarxshinobi
Summary: Allen Walker. The happy, kind, optimistic destroyer of time, the freer of the trapped souls of the akuma. His smile so bright, it could cheer up even the coldest, most dim situation. But is the smile even real? Yullen
1. Chapter 1

**Fall **

Chapter 1

_Secrets_

**Summary:** Allen Walker. The happy, kind, optimistic destroyer of time, the freer of the trapped souls of the akuma. His smile so bright, it could cheer up even the coldest, most dim situation. The one everyone could count on to still have a real smile when everything was over. Or, was this smile as real as everyone thought? One-shot Song-Fic unless someone asks for it to be continued…..

I don't own D. Gray Man. Or 'Easier to Run' by Linkin Park.

Allen held his face in his hands, as he stared at the ground, sitting on the edge of the bed, his coat thrown haphazardly in a corner. He had killed the akuma.. But still, he felt empty. Empty and useless. He had nearly gotten Kanda killed this time, again. It was so cold.

_It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something long  
It's so much easier to run  
Replace all this pain here all alone_

Allen shivered, and looked around. Timcanpy wasn't there… Good. Allen stood up and undid his cuffs. If the golem was here… Allen wouldn't be able to do what he was about to do. He rolled up his sleeves. He took out a single sheet of paper, and grabbed a quill. He sat down, and started to write. "Dear Kanda…."

_Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
The secret I've been locked away where one could never see  
look so different, never show,  
They never go away  
Like moving pictures in my head_

"I'm sorry. I know what a bother I was… I noticed, of course, it was hard not to, how you cast your glares my way. How, even in times of silent peace, you still bored into my skin with your eyes, hate seeming to radiate from your very being. I know you hated me. I know, that I was the annoying 

beansprout, the cursed brat that didn't deserve to be in the order. You were right. I don't. I never did. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry Kanda. I wrote this to you, because, even though I you hate me, I love you. Sincerely, Allen." Allen set the paper down on his desk. He picked up his coat, folded it, and put the letter in an envelope, which was set on top of the coat. Allen walked to his dresser, and pulled out a razor. He tested it on his finger. "It's just sharp enough…"

_If I could change I would  
Take all the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
If I could take all the shame and the pain I would  
If I could change I would  
Take all the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
I would take all the shame and blame_

Allen sat on the floor, not willing to get his blood on the sheets that someone had worked so hard to clean. He made the first cut across the middle of his fore arm. He watched the blood flow, bright red liquid, glittering in the shallow light, dripping onto the floor with a gentle pip sound. The crimson puddle grew on the floor, and Allen made another slice on his arm, savoring every second of the pain, which he completely deserved. He needed to suffer, had to suffer. If he didn't…What type of friend would he be? Not that he had ever been a very good one. Always putting his friends in danger, always putting himself in danger, never thinking about the consequences of what he was doing. 'Pip. Pip. Pip.'

_It's easier to run replacing this pain with something long  
It's so much easier to run  
Replace all this pain here all alone_

Some things I remember but thought the soul bypassed  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think I'm letting go and never looking back  
I never really thought so, I never realized?

The blood flowed freely from every single cut he made. He sliced right over old scars, watching them split slowly open and once again release their caches of the dark maroon substance. Allen licked it 

off his razor, wishing it was poison that could kill him instantaneously. Much to his disappointment, it wasn't. Allen dragged the knife along his skin, each cut going further down his arm. Further towards his wrist. Further towards the end. " I wonder… How much easier everyone's life will be… I mean… If I'm not here… They'd all be so happy… So, free…" Allen looked up when he heard a frantic tapping on his window. Timcanpy was ramming into the window, trying desperately to get it, to get in and save his master's idiot apprentice from doing something that couldn't be reversed.

Allen shook his head. " Don't worry Timcanpy. It's okay…It'll all be over soon. You'll be able to go back to master, and everything will be wonderful. You won't have to hang around a curse anymore. Won't that be great for you? Bye. Timcanpy. " Allen closed the curtains, careful not to get blood on them. Timcanpy flew off to find the one person he knew who could stop this. Kanda Yuu.

_If I could change I would  
Take all the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
If I could take all the shame and the pain I would  
If I could change I would  
Take all the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
I would take all the shame and the blame_

Kanda had just finished training, and was on his way back to his room, when a frantic yellow ball rammed into his face. He glared at the golem. "Watch where you're going." Timcanpy nervously flapped its wings and wiggled its teeny legs, as if trying to tell the stoic samurai something. Kanda sighed and finally gave it. "What. What you annoying flying tennis ball, what." Timcanpy played a video file. Allen was sitting on the floor of his room, crouched over his right arm, his left arm moving across it. Wait, what was that, dripping off of Allen's arm? It was dark and.. Kanda's eyes widened and he felt his heart go cold. And it was blood. Allen was cutting his arm, and heading for his.. Kanda took off running as fast as he could, with Timcanpy struggling to keep up with him. Allen was going to slit is wrist. Allen was trying to commit suicide.

_Just watch it in the sun  
All of the helplessness as I've  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
It's so much simpler to change_

_It's easier to run replacing this pain with something long  
It's so much easier to run  
Replace all this pain here all alone_

Allen smiled, his first real smile in a long time. It stretched across his face, and his heart felt like it was finally at peace. His wrist. That was all that was left. Just a simple sweeping cut, and everything would be right in the world. Because he knew, and he figured that everyone else knew, that the world would be much better off without Allen Walker in it. The destroyer of time.. no, The fool. The one who thought he could save akuma, when his own soul was broken. The one who made his own father an akuma. The fool. The fool who deserved to die, the fool who didn't belong anymore.

Allen took the blade, and made the decsive cut across his wrist. Deep, and penetrating to the bone. Allen watched, with morbid fascination, with utter glee, as his life spilled out onto the floor in front of him, a dark crimson lake of finality. Allen sighed. It was over. Then there was the pounding.

Kanda was breathing heavily by the time he got to Allen's door, but that didn't stop him. He immidiently starting pounding on the door with all his strength. "BEANSPROUT, OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN IT NOW! PLEASE, ALLEN, I'M BEGGING YOU, OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN IT NOW! LET ME IN! PLEASE! PLEASE!" Kanda was worried, his heart aching, and he was afraid that Allen had already made the cut that would most likely prevent him from letting Kanda in, even if he wanted to. Kanda drew mugen, and smashed the door open. Allen was sitting, nearly dead, in a pool of blood. It was all Kanda could do to not scream. He sheathed mugen and ran over to Allen. "Beansprout?.. Allen? Allen, talk to me. Please, say something. Anything. Allen? Allen?" Allen coughed, then smiled weakly at Kanda. " You actually called me by my name. Allen fell into Kanda's arms.

-- --

Everyone heard it, and immidiently went cold. The sound of Kanda's anguished howl echoed throughout the headquarters, would be a sound never to be forgotten.

_It's easier to run_

If I could change I would  
Take all the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made

It's easier to run

If I could change I would  
Take all the pain I would  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  


_If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
I would take all the shame with me_

**Lunar:** Hmm. Wow, that was so sad.. and yet I love this chapter so much…. Okay, this was meant to be a one shot, but if everyone likes it enough, I may make it a series… Poor Kanda….


	2. Chapter 2

**Fall**

Chapter 2

_Don't Hide_

**Lunar:** Well, you all asked me to continue this fic... and I planned to anyway, because I have a bunch of songs that would be perfect for it… Today, it's 'Never Too Late' by Three Days Grace. I don't own D. Gray Man.

Kanda raced to the hospital wing, everyone in his way jumped back either for fear of his anger, or they noticed the comatose white haired exorcist. He kicked the door to the wing open, yelling for help, his voice slightly hoarse from the screaming. "HELP, DAMNIT!" The nurse stared horrified at Allen, and then quickly urged Kanda to lay him on a bed while everyone rushed to get what they needed to save his life.

_This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong  
Who would have guessed it  
I will not leave alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like it's not too late  
It's never too late_

Kanda never left Allen's side. He didn't notice the dozens of nurses and doctors scurrying around him, struggling to save Allen. Transfusions, blood everywhere. Kanda didn't notice anything but the paleness of Allen's skin, how his hand felt cold. Kanda kept his tears back, unwilling to cry, even if the stupid myoashi was nearly dead. He felt both angry, yet sad at the same time. He was angry that Allen had done something so stupid, that Allen was so willing to die. And yet, Kanda was caught in a vortex of sorrow, which swirled around the questions 'Why didn't I notice? Why couldn't I tell something was wrong? Why didn't he tell me?'

_Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
_

_To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late_

It seemed like forever, although it was only 15 minutes. They had rushed to save Allen's life, and finally he was stable. Well, as stable as he could be. They left Kanda where he was, gripping Allen's hand, and watching him breathe. It looked as if Kanda was worried that the next breath wouldn't come. Luckily, it did, and Kanda could relax until the worry for the next breath came. Kanda held Allen's hand to his face, wishing that it wasn't so cold. He fought with his tears. An exorcist needed to be strong, he couldn't be weak now. Especially when Allen needed Kanda's strength.

Lenalee burst in tears flowing from her eyes. "ALLEN-KUN!!"

_No one will ever see  
This side reflected  
And if there's something wrong  
Who would have guessed it  
And I have left alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like  
It's not too late  
It's never too late_

He was always smiling. He was always kind, and cordial. He rarely lost his temper, and he had so much compassion. You would never know it from looking at him, that Allen Walker was suicidal. He had certainly fooled Kanda. After all, with Allen constantly going on about how his purpose was to destroy akuma, how could anyone figure that Allen wanted to kill _himself_? Kanda stroked the back of Allen's hand, while Lenalee sobbed over the other one. It hadn't taken long for everybody to find out and rush to see Allen. They were all standing around the bed now, watching him sleep.

_Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
_

_Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late_

It was a couple of hours, before Allen woke up. Everyone was already asleep, but Kanda was awake. He had been waiting for Allen to wake up. Waiting to see they sky blue eyes open again. Allen's eyes slowly opened. He painfully pulled himself up, and he sighed and looked sorrowfully at his wrists. Only, it didn't look as if he was sad because he did it, but sad that it didn't work. Kanda touched Allen's arm. "Allen." Allen looked at him in shock. " Kanda…"

_The world we knew  
Won't come back  
The time we've lost  
Can't get back  
The life we had  
Won't bleed us again_

This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong

Allen looked away quickly. "Kanda…. I'm.."

"Stupid." Kanda finished. Allen looked up. "Excuse me?"

"You're stupid… How could you have done that? How could you be that stupid?" Kanda asked, grabbing Allen's arm. Allen blinked, then looked away again. " You wouldn't understand." Kanda glared darkly, growling lightly. "I… wouldn't understand.. Is that what you just said? " Allen didn't look back, and didn't say anything. Kanda forced Allen to look at him. "Allen…. Of course I don't understand. You never said anything. Never even gave me a hint that something was wrong. I want to understand. Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because it wasn't your burden to bear."

_Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
_

_Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late  
Maybe we'll turn it around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late (It's never too late)  
It's not too late  
It's never too late_

Allen gasped in surprise when Kanda embraced him, holding him closely. " You stupid beansprout. It doesn't have to be just your burden. I can help you. Just let me." He whispered quietly. Allen couldn't fight back the tears as he clutched to Kanda, unable to do anything but hide his face in Kanda's surprisingly warm form. Kanda held Allen as the younger boy sobbed into his chest, revealing a pain that he had hidden for so long. They stood like that long after Allen had finally stopped sobbing, and had fallen asleep again. Kanda allowed one tear to fall.

".. Allen."

--

**Lunar:** There ya guys go, I updated.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note

To my surprisingly loyal readers:

I'm sorry that I haven't updated since the second semester of my sophomore year. However, I will once again begin writing. I've been busy with homework and school and all of that fun stuff. But dangit, I WILL UPDATE ONCE AGAIN!


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